Adventures with psychotic would be heroes
by Mark3tty
Summary: A young man uses a character creator found online to make himself a D&D character. When he finishes he blacks out and wakes up in a room with 3 strange creatures and a wizard who changes colour and foams at the mouth. follow the adventure as he tries to find a way home, or a place to fit in.
1. Chapter 1, the first contact

"All-right, roll 4d6. Yeah, nope." Click-drag-click. "5d6, much better, give me a bit of an edge. Still no idea what I'm gonna make though." Click-click drag-click. "Hmmm mix of fighter and sorcerer sounds interesting. Let's see how that plays out." Click-click drag scroll-click. "Hmm eldritch knights use magic, maybe get a few more spells just in case." Click-click "Ughh I hate that there's only draconic bloodline and wild magic options. Dragon it is." Click-click. "Sweet feats…hmmm fire adept gives me some extra oomph, and maybe…heheh, Lucky it is. Gonna need all the help I can get." –click-scroll-scroll. "Hmm skills, Athletics, Persuasion, Perception and Survival. Well thanks for picking them for me…" Click- scroll-scroll. "Languages, uhhh heheh, goblin, orc, and draconic." Click-click scroll. "hmm I guess you pick equipment and stuff later. Enter Character now."

 **CLICK**

The screen lit up and I heard a great roaring voice in my ears. "Go forth hero, serve me well!" ****

When I woke up I couldn't see or remembered what happened, all I heard were the voices around me shouting, and a weight on my stomach.

"What in the 9 hells is this?! Ye call this a summoning?! That ain't him!" It sounded like a pissed off Scottish woman was shouting through a megaphone. "Ye be takin advantage of us?! We asked fer a hero, not some big-boned smith from nowhere."

"Rula calm down, there's got to be some explanation for this." A soft voice spoke from somewhere in front of me and a cool hand touched my forehead. "We don't know for sure what happened."

"I'll tell you what happened Mellie, we save up a fortune for this summoning to get us an advantage on the other groups." There was a panicked yelp from where the Scottish woman had been. "But maybe someone came here first, told him what we were looking for and screwed us. Is that right mister priest?!"

A high pitched man started speaking as though he was choking. "No! No, I swear, I did exactly as you asked Ms. Braga. A summoning spell that would bring a hero unlike any other. I don't know what happened! I swear!"

"Hey guys!" said the soft voice from in front of me, "I think he's waking up."

I tried to open my eyes but the light stung my eyes, I blinked a few times and when they finally adjusted I saw a child sitting on my stomach her nose inches from mine. "Hey mister, we didn't think you were gonna wake up."

I managed to sit up slightly dislodging her and took a look around. I was in a small wooden house and could see sunlight coming through the windows. Looking to my left I saw a short blonde stocky woman in what looked like robes and armor. Standing next to her was a tall athletic shaped woman with green tinged skin wearing some sort of armor made of deer and wolf furs mixed together. She was holding a small thin man in a purple robe up to the wall with one hand and snarling at him with her …tusks.

"Where…where am I?" I looked down at the girl in my lap and noticed she wasn't a child but a young woman but very petite. "What's going on?"

the stocky woman came over and put her hand on my shoulder. "We're damned sorry bout this lad. Ye got mixed up in our business thanks to this cheat over here." She gestured to the man whose face was slowly turning to match the purple of his robes. "Once we're done getting our payment back we'll see about sendin ye back home. Which village are ye from?"

"Village?" I shook my head confused. "I used to live in a city in Ontario. Where am I now? Europe?" I moved to pull the covers off me and realized I was naked underneath.

The small woman in my lap sat back up effectively straddling me and putting her face too close to mine for comfort. "Yourup? That's a funny sounding city. Are you from the south somewhere?" She looked over to the large woman, "Hey Braga, are there a human city in the wild lands named Yourup?"

She looked over and sniffed at me, "none that I know of. The orc hordes would have wiped them out, maybe he is from the islands?"

"Ahh is that it lady? Be ye one of the mages city of the Isles?" The dwarf woman sighed. "Yer gonna have a hard time getting back, you're on the opposite side of the world."

"What? Mage no, I'm from Canada, You know up north, above America." They stared at me blankly. "You know, Polar bears, beavers, maple syrup, hockey and we go around sayin {EH} all the time." 

"…lad I think yemust have bumped yer head on the way in." she began checking my head for bruises or cuts. " I ain't ever heard of no Caneduh, and We dwarves live up north in the mountains. Never heard of hockey or people sayin EH, all the time neither."

"What?! Never heard of…wait did you say dwarves?" she nodded and I pointed a finger at her. "dwarves." She nodded and my finger pointed at the tall green woman. "orc?"

"Half only," she smiled. "Full orcs are a lot hairier and meaner than me." I nodded mutely and pointed at the man in her arms who was now foaming at the mouth. "mage?" a strange affirmative gargle was all I received before I pointed at the little woman in my lap.

"Halfling! My name's Mellie, whats yours?'!" she smiled and clapped, before scooting somehow even closer to me. "I bet it's something silly, like Jarduh. Cuz you come from Can of Duhh" she giggled and laughed at her own joke.

"Umm, no, sorry. It's Mike." I chuckled a bit despite myself. "From can of Duh, I can't believe I never thought of that." I coughed to recover my thoughts. "okay this is going to sound strange but what is this world called, or kingdom, empire or whatever."

The dwarf woman raised her eyebrow before answering. "Ye be in the kingdom of Trasta, in the land of Algeran." She held my head and looked me in the eyes. "Thanks a lot mage, ye brought us a broken lad." She turned and looked over at the limp body in Braga's hand. "Ermm, I think ye should have let go a few minutes ago lass."

Braga narrowed her eyes in confusion before turning and looking at the corpse under her hand. "Uhh…shit, well he cheated us! He got what he deserved!" she dropped the body and prodded him with her foot. "Not my fault, he shoulda said something."

"I don't think he had much of a choice, maybe that's what all the blubbering and choking was." Mellie sighed and shook her head. "Now we gotta leave town before anyone notices he's missing. Great job Braga"

Meanwhile I was sitting up in the bed jaw dropped and eyes wide at the corpse currently a few feet from me. Not to mention that I was somehow in some fantasy world with monsters and magic. I think I handled it quite well.

I fainted.


	2. Chapter 2, naked in the streets

I awoke to a painful throbbing in my stomach. My first thought was "OH DEAR LORD, THE BABY IS COMING!" my second thought was "how did I get pregnant?" my slightly clearer third thought was, "oh wow the ground is moving."

I looked around as much as I could and realized with embarrassment, that I had been thrown over the shoulder of Braga in nothing but the cloth that had covered me before. I looked around more and saw we were in a town with small buildings and shops lining the streets. People stopped and stared at us but no one seemed to be willing to interact. Essentially I was being carried half naked through a town and no one was lifting a finger to help.

Swell.

"Ahem." I cleared my throat. "Braga, while I certainly don't mind getting a free ride and escort, could you possibly put me down?! I'm mooning half the kingdom here!" I yelled blushing furiously.

"Hey you woke up! Bout time." She slung me gently off her shoulder and I slipped onto the ground, a small gust lifted the cloth and I heard several gasps from the crowd. "Oh take a picture it will last longer!" I felt my cheeks grow even deeper in colour as I wrapped the cloth kilt style around my waist.

Mellie cocked her head and looked at me, "would you mind if I did? I could get someone too sketch it. It's rather nice." Her eyes glazed a bit and I swear I saw her drooling.

"Mellie! Be decent!" Rula's cheeks reddened but she looked like she was trying not to laugh as she covered mellie's eyes and mouth. "Sorry about that lad, been a while since we stopped in a town. Adventuring builds up stress and err….addles the mind. Are ye feeling better?"

"Fine, just peachy." I noticed the crowds starting to take more interest so I leaned in and whispered. "So what happened with the old guy?"

Braga ginned "well after you fainted we left him in his bed and made it look like ha died in his sleep." She shook a large pouch in front of me. "Even got us a refund plus what we found in his safe. We're rich"

"Oh, wow okay umm." I was slightly at a loss for words. "Listen I hate to ask, but could we use some of that money to get me some clothes…maybe just pants?" I gestured to my half naked form in embarrassment.

Mellie smiled as she escaped Rula's hands. "but you look so good in a skirt, maybe we can get you some nice long black boots to match, a leopard loin cloth….mmm" a small drop of drool trailed out from her lips and I felt myself blushing like an idiot.

Rula sighed and laid her forehead in her hand. "Mellie, down girl. Aye lad we could, but we were just gonna drop ye off with the town healer and be on our way. No offense but ye were kinda a mistake. We need to be makin our way out of town before they realize what happened to the wizard." She spread her palms, "Not that yer not a nice lad and all, but not what we're lookin fer and we wanna wash our hands of ye."

"I'd like to wash him with my hands" said Mellie in a slight daze. Braga sighed and lifted her with one hand and threw her over her shoulder with the money bag. "Mellie stop talking…the sooner we get out of here the less chance we have of getting caught."

I stared blankly at them. "Wow, so you guys were just going to dump me here in a strange land, naked by myself. Well thanks a lot!" a smile crept up on my face. "Although, I bet the local authorities would be interested in the names of those responsible for the death of their only wizard…" I raised an eyebrow at them and grinned devilishly. Suddenly they were all ears.

"Oh aye lad?" suddenly there was a rather large axe tucked underneath my chin. "Now ye wouldn't go upsetting us like that would ye? We could have left ye alone up there with the wizard. Let ye take the fall for us."

I looked down and felt a sharp pain in my abdomen and saw Braga tilting a large blade into my stomach. "That's not how friends treat each other, you want to be our friend right?" she grinned and I sucked in my stomach away from the blade.

"Of course I wouldn't do that" I giggled nervously. "Look if you guys just get me some clothes and some spare cash I can manage on my own." A raised my hands in a non-threating manner. "That's fair right."

Braga and Rula looked at each other and nodded simultaneously, drawing their weapons back. Braga smiled, "We give you money and send you to tailors then we go. Safer that way." She pulled Mellie back from her shoulder and looked at her hand confused. "Mellie.…where did the money go?"

She pointed behind us. "That guy walking down the alley in black clothes took it." We turned our heads to see a very sneaky looking character turning a corner out of sight with a large bag of coins on his back.

Rula grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her yelling at the top of her lungs. "Why didn't ye say anything?!"

Mellie pouted her lips angrily before replying. "Braga told me to shut up! You said to always listen to you and Braga so that's what I did. Now can we go get him?"

"Dammit girl I swear ye have no sense in yer head. I'll go round and cut him off." She pointed a finger at the Halfling. "Ye and Braga chase him this way. That okay Brag-." She turned and saw the barbarian charging down the alley. "Err okay come with me. Lad, ye stay out of the way and we'll come back for ye." The two of them took off down the street and around the corner.

I stood there half naked sitting on a bucket near the stables as people walked past giving me strange looks and pointing. "Well this is just fantastic…"

Hello readers, I apologize if the format of this chapter is hard to read. I have edited it three times and it seems to work for some people and not for others.

also, see that little button down there that says 'Review'? you should click it. that is all


	3. Chapter 3, Dumb Elves, and stolen loot

"Mama why is that man naked?"

"Honestly, some people shouldn't be allowed in public."

"Poor sod, must have been kicked out by his woman".

"Do ye think he be protesting something?"

"Yeah yeah, naked guy keep moving." I sat there waiting in front of a small inn as crowds walked past, pointing and whispering, loudly. "This is bullshit, they've been gone for like 5 minutes."

"Oi, stable boy! Come take our horses." I looked over at a group of tall men with long flowing hair and flawless pale skin. One of them wore shining plate mail while the other two had banners of some sort on theirs. They all had slanted eyes and pointed ears. "Did you hear me boy? Or do you need your hearing checked along with your wardrobe?" he looked back to his companions and they all laughed along with him.

 _"Oh great, a group of stuck up elves, just what I need."_ I thought to myself. Looking over the horses, I noticed some saddlebags that were overflowing and a small smile crept over my face.. "Well now… Yes sir, I'm sorry sir. Me and my poor human ears couldn't hear yer lordship." I threw on a bumpkin accent and tried to look humble as I took the reins. "if I may be so bold m'lord, yer gear could look just a bit shinier. I've got some silver polish in the back. I could shine them up right quick if ye'll only put in a good word with my master inside."

The elf raised his eyebrows, "well now, a human who can show the right respect. He snapped his fingers and his companions stepped forward to help him out of his armor. He was wearing a set of silk clothes underneath and he pulled a pair of black leather boots on from the saddlebags. He straightened and tossed me a gold coin with a brilliant smug smile on his face. "I'm feeling generous, we just cleared a large dungeon." He slapped his saddlebags. "You make sure to do a good job and maybe there will be another." He turned and walked away chin held high and cheeks clenched tight.

"Oh m'lord thank you m'lord. I'll do a good job I swear on me mum." He waved without looking back as he strode into the inn. "Ye fucking prick m'lord. Ye wipe yer ass with silk m'lord?" I giggled in glee as I pulled the horses into the alleyway and began rummaging through the saddlebags.

I had to rummage for a little while before I found clothes that fit me. I settled for a loose wool shirt with sleeves I could roll up and some nice leather pants and boots. I was only half surprised to find a clean pair of silk boxers in the leader's saddle. "Well I feel better, at least I'm not naked." I looked at the armor draped over the saddle and pursed my lips. "Oh come on, you're in a fantasy world and a big nerd…I hope it fits!" It took me a few minutes to figure out what clipped where and I had to change the boots back.

Eventually I stood there in shining full plate mail. "Hmm doesn't weigh as much as I thought. Maybe its mithrial or something." I moved and stretched around a bit finding it surprisingly light and flexible. "M'lord fancy-britches has excellent taste. Wonder what else he has." I rooted through the bags and found some jewelry and a small black stud earring. I reached up to my ear where I had my cartilage pierced and felt nothing. "Wow can't believe I forgot. I would have had to pierce it again. I managed to get the stud in and as it clicked closed I suddenly felt lighter and more agile. I jumped and managed a flip off the wall before landing gracefully on my feet again. "Enchanted piercing…awesome!"

I quickly slipped on the rest of the jewelry but other than a pendant which gave me a warm feeling nothing happened. "Oh well that was too good to be true. Let's see if there's anything else. Whoa…" I pulled the last item from the saddle bags. I pulled it out slowly scared that I would break it. The hilt was shaped in the form of a dragon with the handle as its body, its tail curled around the hilt and ended in a ruby at the bottom. . The cross guard was designed after its wings and the golden blade flowed out of its mouth in the shape of fire. It felt warm in my hand and the blade seemed to shimmer with a life of its own. "Sword…" I stared at it in awe and moved it through some of the motions I remembered from fencing years ago. "Feels amazing, I wonder why he kept it in the saddlebags. It's beautiful."

[Well thank you, I do take pride in my appearance.] I stopped what I was doing and stared eyes wide at the sword. "Swords, don't talk. Do they?" I shook my head and turned around and fell on my ass at what appeared before me.

[Most of them don't. some of the more magical ones do though it is quite rare.] A small scaled figure was floating in front of me without flapping its bat like wings. Its skin was different shades of brown, orange and green and its eyes glowed with mischief. [However a Dragon-soul sword with a dragon in it might have a few things to say to someone who rescued it from the depths of a saddlebag.] Its voice echoed in my mind but it seemed warm and kind if not highly sarcastic.

[My name is Dereloth, the Laughing Flame. And you are now my lucky victim.] He opened his mouth and flames roared out and consumed me.


	4. Chapter 4, getting into more trouble

I remember screaming. I remember rolling on the ground trying to put the flames out. I remember stopping and realizing I was fine and not on fire. I remember the amused and childish laughter from the spectral dragon literally rolling on the floor laughing at me.

[Ahahaha! Oh wow that was great, you should have seen your face.] He paused and caught his breath. [oh man, it's been so long since I've seen a human, I forgot you always freak out when you get bonded.] He chuckled a bit and followed me as I climbed to my feet.

"Hilarious, what exactly are you?" I waved my hand through him and it seemed not to faze him at all. "Some sort of ghost haunting the sword?" I brushed myself off and started shoving gear back in the packs not touching the sword.

[A ghost?! How dare you?!] It flew up near my face and shot a few harmless sparks at me. [I am a spirit guardian! Chosen to remain here after death to guard and guide humanity against the darkness. You should be on your knees thanking me for revealing myself to you.]

"Guiding and guarding humanity huh? I thought the elf found you in an old dungeon or something" I smirked as I picked up the sword and hopped in the saddle. "Lot of good you're gonna do from an old ruin." I stabbed the sword high into the wooden wall next to me high enough where no one could see or reach it. "Good luck with that. See ya around." I grabbed the reins from the other horses and continued down the alley.

[Human! How dare…wait. Please?] I stopped and turned surprised at the sudden desperate change in his tone. [You're right. I was trapped and abandoned in that ruin hundreds of years ago.] He sighed and landed on a barrel and laid his head in his arms. [All the others got chosen and bonded. I was the last one. None of the knights wanted a copper dragon as their companion. We're not that strong and we hate fighting.] He sighed and a ghostly tear rolled down his cheek fading into sparks when it hit the barrel.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before turning the horse around. "Look I didn't' mean to hurt your feelings. I'm new here." I noticed his odd look. "New to this world, someone pulled me here from my world and I'm just trying to survive. If you promise not to fake burn me anymore I'll take you with me." I smiled gently at him. "I think we could both use some friends." I reached up and pulled the sword from the wall.

He wagged his tail and smiled at me. [Well if you promise not to look so funny and flammable I think I can resist.] He flew over and landed on the head of the horse looking over at me. [Thank you….you're a lot better than the elf. Glad I didn't bond to him, he was such a smug asshole.]

"Yeah that's what I thought too. Now let's get outta here." I turned the horses down the alley and returned to the street. I continued out towards the gate where i vaguely remembered entering the town. "I wonder what happened to those three. Maybe I'll see them again." As I passed a fountain I saw someone I recognized. A sneaky looking character, all in black with a sack thrown over his shoulder.

"Well son of a bitch, he got away. Hey Derel, keep an eye on that guy for me. Don't lose him." I pointed and singled out the man in black and urged my horses forward slowly.

[Derel? Ooh a nickname, I've never had one of those.] He flew up and circled above me. [I've got him, he's not getting away from us….who is he anyways?] He continued circling and guiding me. [Looks like an unsavory sort.]

"Someone who stole from…friends of mine." I moved forward slowly so as to try not to attract attention. "Just curious, how far does this mind talking work? Can anyone see or hear you?" I shifted the sword uncomfortably in my lap. "I kind of wish this came with a sheathe."

[Basically as long as your near the sword we can communicate. I can't get too far from it unfortunately. ] He dipped low and did a flip. [ I can only show myself to people if you let me. Oh and if you hold the sword to your back and let go, it should stick to your armour.]

I reared back a bit surprised. "Well now, that seems like useful information." I lifted the sword and lifted it over my shoulder and slowly let it go. I felt a snap and felt the weight of it on my back. "Wow very useful. Anything else I should know?"

[Yeah, a few more things. Maybe we should talk about before your friend here gets away.] I felt the sarcasm in his voice and looked to see the man shoving and hurrying his way through the crowd and glancing back at me. "Son of a bitch! Don't lose him!" I urged the horses farther and thanked my granduncle for teaching me as a kid how to ride. People started shouting and moving out of our way so the horses wouldn't crush them.

[Oh boy high speeds chase!] Suddenly the theme song to Indiana Jones was playing in my head. [Huh, you have weird music in your head.] I lost my concentration on the fleeing thief and looked up at him. "You can read my mind too?" I asked. I wasn't comfortable with a mischievous dragon with access to my mind. [Not really, just surface thoughts. When I said theme music that popped up and I just sent it back to you.]

" _Hmm my own private I-pod. Nice"_ I checked myself. _"Wait can he hear me?...BAAA NANAA NAA NANA NAAA!"_ When he didn't reply I chuckled to myself and continued with the chase. "We've got him on the run, he's got nowhere to run. If he goes through the gates I'll have him easily"

Unfortunately that's when he decided to do a flip and jump to the nearest house, climb over it and start running. "Dammit what the hell was that?!" I reined in the horses and turned to chase him, thundering down another small street and watching his shadow between the houses. [Make a left, now a right. He's heading towards the river. Hey who are they?] I followed his directions and turned the final corner just in time to see him land in a group of similarly dressed men with clubs knives and crude axes. My horse reared and ran with the others, and I toppled off but managed to land on my feet.

"Oh shit" said the man in black cockily while drawing a wicked looking dagger.

"Oh shit…" I said drawing the blade slowly off my back.

[Oh shit.] said Dereloth echoing in my mind.

"Oh horsies!" said a high pitched voice from behind me.

As one I and the thieves turned to see Mellie, Rula and Braga coming out of the alley, weapons drawn. Rula lowered her axe and stared hard at me. "Is…Lad is that you?! We left ye for a few minutes and ye turn into a frigging knight?! What happened?!"

"Lookin good human, hey maybe we picked the right guy after all?" Braga chuckled as she tied the reins to a tree and drew her massive sword and stalked forth. "but maybe you could save some of them for us?"

Mellie stared at me as she approached keeping a crossbow twice her size trained at the thieves. "Wow you look good, so shiny. Are you a wizard smith?! Can you make me some magic armor?! I want it to be black and pink and lacy!"

[Interesting friends you have. that little one scares me] Derel floated down in front of her and stared. [Seriously how is she holding that thing?]

"Maybe we can discuss this after?!" I shouted I held the sword in a two handed grip in front of me, and the thieves started spreading out into a semicircle to our left. We ended up facing them, our group with our backs to the streets and them with the river at their backs. "Nowhere to run too. Just give back the money and we can forget all abo-"

"Get them!" I heard one of them shout before a wave of steel and iron charged at me.


	5. Chapter 5, Heroing is hard

Fighting is scary.

I don't mean in the "Ahh, a spider!" way. I mean the rush of adrenaline as you try to dodge pointy things designed to enter you and kill you, while you swing your pointy thing and try to do the same to another person. The whole time thinking how much you don't wanna die. That's what went through my head as I charged in yelling like a lunatic.

[What the heck are you doing?!] Dereloth's voice rang in my ears. [Sword point high, two hands on the hilt, and you better hope that armor can deflect those daggers.] I felt my body move and follow his commands. [Now, diagonal slash, duck, parry, thrust, spin low.]

Following his directions I felt my body flow through the motions. It felt natural, and soon the fear was replaced by laughter as I ducked dodged and deflected blows that would have killed me. Within a few minutes I was standing on top of a pile of dead or dying men chuckling to myself looking around for more.

Instead I saw Rula, Mellie, and Braga staring at me, mouths open wide in awe or terror. I smiled and whipped my sword to clean off the blood. Before looking at them and the men around me. "Wait…you guys didn't even help?! I could have died!" I stared at them dumbfounded. [Hey I helped!] Derel chimed in proudly. "Yes, and I'll thank you properly later. Now hush" I whispered to him before returning my attention to the ladies in front of me.

"Well we were ready for a fight lad" Rula lowered her axe head to the ground and leant on the handle. "But charging in two to one seemed like a frigging dumb idea. I'm surprised yer not dead."

Mellie spun quickly and we all flinched as her crossbow spun. "But did you see him?! He was all like 'raaahhh! Shwing, ting, fwoosh!' that was amazing!" with every word she spun her crossbow and we continued to duck. "Where did you learn to fight like that?" she stared at me grinning ear to ear.

Braga just narrowed her eyes and stared hard. I swallowed and tried to avoid her eyes. "I uhhh, learned from a dragon?" I shrugged and tried to pass it off but she walked towards me and grabbed me by the front of my armour and pulled me closer. I started to shrink back away from her tusks before she broke out in a huge grin. "You learned from a dragon! That's amazing! Can you show me how you did that one move where you spun and sliced open those three guys? That was great!"

I let out a sigh of relief and smiled. "Yeah sure we can do a training session. But for now maybe we should grab our money and gear before we get into any more trouble." I turned and poked through the bodies before looking closely at them. I had just killed about nine or ten men single handedly. All of a sudden my adrenaline was gone. I took a few quick breaths and then released the contents of my stomach on one of the corpses.

I heard Braga back up from behind me. "Eww sick. A little warning would be nice."

As far as I knew corpses didn't move. The one I released my breakfast on however moved surprisingly quickly. "Ughh disgusting, what the hell human?!" it jumped up and away from me wiping its face. Its voice was quite gravelly. "Is that what you do when you beat someone? Puke on them? I thought my kind were cruel."

I took a closer look at the him and through the bits and pieces of his clothing I could see green mottled flesh. "Dude, are you sick or something? You look kind of…gross." I'm not particularly subtle or bright at times.

He looked up at me and I saw his eyes go red underneath his mask. "Sick? Gross?! First you try to kill me, then spew vomit on me, now you insult me?!" his voice grew deeper and his skin started to swell and bubble.

I felt Braga's hand on my shoulder as she pulled me back slowly. "Not good." The creature's clothes burst from him and his muscled green skinned body showed clearly in the light. Its body rippled with muscle and stood a foot or two taller than Braga. I could see its black claws and yellow pointed teeth from where I stood a few feet away. It snarled and ripped a loose chunk of stone about the size of me from the road and turned to charge us roaring in rage.

"Definitely not good!" I turned to run and felt something hit me in the back and send me flying past Rula and Mellie, who were getting their weapons ready, and straight into the river. Turns out, armor is heavy and awkward underwater. I started to quickly sink into the cold blackness.

 _"I'm going to die."_ Was the last thought I had before the last of my breath slipped out of my lungs. I blacked out.


	6. Chapter 6, Blowing shit up

Or started too before I was practically deafened. [HEY YOU JERK! DON'T YOU DARE DIE AND LEAVE MY SWORD TO RUST IN THE RIVER! PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER!]

I snapped my eyes open and panicked, kicking hard and flailing my arms. I started to run out of energy and inhaled a good amount of the water quickly drowning. I was terrified but kept moving until my arm hit the wall and I managed to pull my head out of the water. I gasped for air and immediately started puking the water back out. I clung on to the wall shaking and trying to regain control.

[Well look who's back.] Dereloth floated down and hovered in front of me. [Good rule of fighting is don't turn your back on an enemy. You okay?] His small eyes glittered with concern.

"Yeah just give me a minute." I took a few deep breaths and steadied my breathing. I looked down and noticed I was still gripping the sword tightly. "How?...whatever, magic sword " I looked up and saw I had about ten foot climb ahead of me. I could hear the girls fighting. Looking around I didn't see a way to pull myself up. "Derel, I'm stuck down here. Any ideas? How are the girls?" I heard a roar followed by a wet smack.

[Wow your orc lady just gave him a good one.] I heard someone swear followed by a loud crunch. [Oooh until he threw the dwarf at her. You should really come up here and watch this.] He looked down at me and spun in a circle while I stared daggers at him. [What?]

"Can you be useful here?! Find me a way up!" he flew down muttering something about useless without me and together we managed to find some this iron bars hammered into the wall for a ladder. [You better hurry, they aren't doing so well.] I heard more roaring and yelling from above followed by a high pitched scream from Mellie. I hauled myself up from the river and stood shaking on me feet to see Rula knocked out bleeding from her mouth. Braga trapped underneath the remains of a building with a beam pinning her down and Mellie being held by the neck in the creature's grimy claws, struggling and kicking.

He licked his lips and grinned, "Been a while since I had Halfling flesh. This one looks young and healthy" He chuckles low and runs a slimy purple tongue on the side of her face. I heard her whimper and kick weakly at him as she struggled to breathe. I saw Braga try to push herself up to help but she was still trapped.

[Well? What are you waiting for?] I looked left to see Derel watching me with anticipation. [Your friends are in trouble and you're just gonna stand and watch? Take him down! ]

I looked over at him and took a deep breath as I drew my sword. "Hey, Ugly!" It stopped sampling a squirming Mellie and looked over to I was standing. "Leave her alone, or you're gonna deal with me." I stood confidently in my combat stance and tried to look intimidating. That confidence evaporated when he laughed at me.

"You?! What are you going to do?" he tossed Mel aside as he approached me chuckling. "I already bitch-slapped you across the street. Wanna go for round two?" I winced as he cracked his knuckles.

[You can take him, just focus. Follow your instincts, he may be bigger but you're smarter.] Dereloth appeared on my right crouching in mid-air hissing at the monster." [I'll help you out all I can.]

I turned to him and nodded quickly. "Thanks man, I appreciate it."

The troll scratched his head with a dirty fingernail. "Who're you talking to? We gonna do this small fry?" he raised his arms and prepared to smash me into the ground. "I'll smash you good this time!"

His fists came down and I jumped forward swinging overhand and high as I passed. The concrete cracked under his fists but a large spray of blood erupted from his arm where I had cut it. I turned and slashed quickly at his exposed back, cutting deeply again before he turned swinging his good arm at me. "Hah, for all that big talk a while ago you're looking pretty fucked up my friend."

He grinned and lifted his arm and I watched shocked as the wound slowly closed and his skin returned to normal. "You gonna hafta do better than that small fry." He surged forward and threw a fist that knocked me back a few feet and I landed on my ass. I tried to quickly get to my feet but he jumped on me and started hammering into my chest. Thankfully the armor did its job and I managed to shove my sword deep into his side.

"RAAGHHH! Son of a bitch!" I tried to shove him off me but he just snarled and pushed forward more wrapping his hands around my throat and squeezing hard. I tried taking a deep breath and felt a crack in my neck and I couldn't get any air in. "Now I'm gonna kill you and all your little friends." I struggled and pushed against him, clawing at his face and hands trying to get free. "Starting with that tasty little one."

"You mean me?" I heard a thunk and he reared back clutching his eye where a small steel shaft was lodged. I gasped for air as I turned over and saw a bruised Mellie reloading her crossbow. "No-one hurts my friends and gets away with it!" she wedged it against her hip and fired again shooting him in the chest. I felt strong hands grab my shoulders and haul me to safety.

"Easy lad, I've got ya." a gloved hand touched my throat and I started breathing a bit easier. I looked over at Rula smiling and touching the small silver anvil symbol on her axe. "Good job keepin him busy. We'll take it from here." She clapped me on the shoulder and pointed to a bloody Braga charging in sword drawn taking a massive chop into his shoulder.

She winked at me and ran forward swinging her axe at him, but he managed to block it with his arms. "Keep hittin him, girls! These bastards don't go down easy!" She jumped back from a swipe of his claws and punched at him with the rim of her shield. Mellie cocked her crossbow and fired again and again, each time sinking a small bolt into him throwing off his balance. Braga managed to sneak behind him and yanked my sword free. "Hey hero, you forgot something!" she tossed it towards me and i ducked as it flew over my head and lodged itself in one of the bodies.

"Oh, thanks a lot!" I ran over and grabbed it but turned as I heard him roar. Quicker than I would have imagined for someone his size he managed to slash his claws across Braga's face ripping it open, and throw something at Mel to knock her off balance. Rula hissed in frustration and ran to Braga and began healing her. The troll backed away his multiple wounds already healing.

"You think you can stop me? I can take whatever you can hit me with!" he stretched his shoulders as the last of his wounds closed. "Prepare to die." He flexed his claws and charged towards Rula and Braga.

"Shit man, think! What kills trolls?!" I tried to remember what I had read in the various monster manuals back home. "They regenerate, live in swamps, stupid and tribal. Fire." I looked around desperately for some way to start a quick fire but didn't see any torches or braziers.

[Why don't you use your spells? You've got a few good ones in there you know.] He was wrapped around the hilt of the sword I was pulling on. [If you need a focus just use the sword.]

"I know magic?" I Looked into my own head and was surprised I had a few spells stored away. "Holy shit I know magic!" I ripped my sword out and focused the energy I felt within myself and felt it flow into the sword waiting to be released. Grinning I yelled at the troll. "Hey ugly! You couldn't even finish me off and I'm just a puny human." He turned to glare at me. "Come on shit for brains, come get some."

Apparently the fecal matter that was his brain didn't like that so he turned and started running on all fours, closing the distance between us quickly. "as he approached I held up the sword and pointed it at him oh please let this work" he got within a foot of me before I dropped down and rolled my body into his knees. I took a knee to the head but he went flying into the damaged building piling more debris on top of him.

I stood up at the same time he did and he laughed as he spat blood at me. "Hah! That the best you got?!" I grinned as I pointed my sword directly at the wooden debris surrounding and covering him. "No" I said smirking as my sword began to glow golden. "But this is. **_Ignis Pila!_** " a torrent of flame flowed down my sword and focused into a small ball. For a second I thought it wouldn't work but then it shot off like a rocket and landed at his feet. His eyes widened for a split second before it grew into a miniature sun igniting everything surrounding him. I heard him scream for a few seconds before the silence set in, interrupted by the sound of crackling wood and corpses.

[Jeez when you cast a spell you don't hold back huh?] Dereloth landed on my shoulder. [Nice job, partner.]

I grinned manically amazed at what I had done. I turned as I felt a hand clasp my shoulder and saw Braga and the others staring at the fire. She looked at me and I raised my eyebrow still smiling like a nutjob. "So…have you ever thought of joining a adventuring group?" She matched my grin and I saw it reflected on Mellie and Rula as well. "As long as I get to blow more shit up, I'm in."

Rula laughed and came forward to take my hand. "Welcome to the murder Bitches."


	7. Chapter 7, History

"So the murder bitches huh? Interesting name at least." We had picked through the remains of the building and recovered about half of the money that had been stolen. When people started poking around and we heard the watch whistles we made our way. We were now riding on our way out of town. Braga on one horse, Rula grumbling and complaining on the other, and me on top the white stallion, riding double with Mellie, against my will.

"Yeah we came up with it a while ago" Mellie looked over her shoulder at me grinning from ear to ear. "Get it? 'Cuz we murder stuff, and we can be real bitches!" She bounced in the saddle and I had to hold the reins a little tighter.

"Yeah he gets it Mel, we all get it." Braga sighed from her horse. "We didn't get to pick the name. She picked it and it stuck and caught fire." She shrugged. "It's too late to change it now."

"Aye we've built up quite a reputation." Rula fussed with her horse's reins. "Or at least we did for a while. There are too many groups now that just take all the work. There's a few in particular I'd prefer out of the game." She snarled and slammed a fist into her palm. "'Specially that damned elf, Lord Valodar Greencloak."

[Heheh wonder if they'll recognize that armor you're wearing] Dereloth chirped from his perch on the horse's head.

"Ughh don't get me started on him." Braga groaned. "Every time, he does the same thing." She placed her hand on her hip and posed dramatically. "Hear now villains! You are in the presence of Valodar Greencloak. Lay down your arms or we will be forced to engage you will full force!" She dropped her arms. "Then his servants fire magical volleys without waiting and shoot everything in sight while he walks in and picks off the survivors. The worst part is it works every time."

Mellie leaned her head forward on the horse's neck and mumbled. "An' it's not fair. He gets all the good jobs and paid more all 'cuz his dad's some Duke or Baron near the Rift border."

"The Rift?" I asked. "What's the Rift?"

Rula looked at me like I had two heads before shaking her head. "That's right, I keep forgetting you're not from around here." She cleared her throat and straightened in the saddle. "A couple hundred years ago, the king was fightin all sorts of monsters past the mountains to the east. At first it was just the goblins, then the orcs, trolls n ogres, then the giants. They were fightin fer years before someone finally asked why. Turns out they was just runnin from what was comin behind em. All manners of undead, beasties, demons, and creepy crawly things from the deeps were crawlin out of the mountains and canyons. So the king invites all them that was runnin and makes them fight with him against the monsters. Only problem is they never run out. The king starts to get desperate and calls for any aid."

[I remember those days. Not good times for anyone. The dragons had their own struggles at the time.]

She paused for a minute as we passed by some town guards that were looking at us oddly before continuing. "Now back in that day, magic wasn't as welcome as it is now. Lots of wizards n such were hunted down or imprisoned. So imagine his surprise when a group of wizards come up and say they'll stop the monsters for a price. So he doesn't give it a second thought and all the magic folk come out of hiding. So these magic folk used their magic and flew over the army and started raining down death on em. When they had enough room to work they all lined up on the ground and stomped the ground shouting ancient magics. The earth shook and ripped apart swallowing a good part of the army and the Rift was made. A giant canyon, a mile long and bottomless, that the enemy couldn't cross."

I shook my head impressed. "Wow, I don't know a lot about magic, but that sounds pretty impressive." I nodded to a guard as we past the gate leaving the town. "So I'm guessing the king was grateful."

Rula nodded, "aye that he was. He throws a big party for the magic folk and invites all the goblins and giants and such too if they behave. So they all come and the king asks what he can grant them. So they look at him straight as day and say 'we want our own land and for all our brothers to be free' and the king is shocked but so grateful that he issues a decree that they all be set free and he says to take the islands in the south east and make with theirs as long as they sign an alliance and trade. Well the orcs n such hear that and they ask if he'll do the same for them as they've just lost their homes and he says fine you go down south and take the wild lands there. But again ye must agree to peace, and they're all for it as they're tired of fightin and everyone lost folks."

Rula smiled over at me and clapped her hands. "And there ye are lad, a summarized version of the most significant events in our lands. Anything else ye be wantin to know?"

"A few things come to mind." I stretched and tried to remember some of the questions I had prepared. "So this is the kingdom of Trasta, I got that bit. But who's the king? Who runs it? I don't imagine many elves or dwarves bowing to a human." I held up a finger as I counted my questions. "You say you trade with the mages? What would they need to trade for? And do they all live on the island? Seems a bit unusual." I tried to think of my third. "I see a lot of mixed races here, but are the mages and wild lands the same? Braga said Orcs aren't as friendly is there still peace or what?"

Braga laughed aloud at the last bit. "Sorry Mike, didn't mean to scare you. The wild lands aren't as civilized as they are here and very tribal. It's mixed yes but mostly between us tuskers." Sme smiled pointing at her large teeth. "Most humans and elves simply avoid the place because we're loud, rough and dirty. Plus if you're not careful you can get stomped by a giant or sat on by an ogre. There are some villages with humans but not many. As long as no one bothers the war-chiefs, they're perfectly happy doing whatever it is they do."

"That's true enough, and some people haven't realized that we're done fightin each other. As to the ruler, nowadays it's called the Kingdom, but its run by the Council. A few royal families of humans, elves, and dwarves gather at the capital and try to keep things running. Its worked so far. Dividing up the lands took a while but it got sorted." She smiled as she answered the next question. "As to the tradin with mages, for some damned reason they can't grow anything on that land of theirs. I reckon all the magic leaking into the soil has done something or maybe they pissed off an earth god after that quake. Either way they need us to send them food. In return they trade magical supplies, potions, enchanted tools, medicines. Simple stuff, not weapons or anything, those are damned expensive on the market. Probably why our departed friend back there charged us a fortune."

Mellie chirped up, I had thought she was asleep. "Yeah, every once in a while you get one who comes out here to help adventurers find magic or to hire someone find an ingredient he needs." She grumbled. "That guy took most of our savings. Although I guess he did a good job, you were pretty impressive back there." She spun in the saddle and faced me. "Where did you learn magic anyway?"

"That was gonna be my next question actually." I looked forward to Dereloth. "Hey Derel, why don't you show yourself?" Mellie looked around behind here and turned back to me confused.

"Who's Derel? The horse?" Dereloth chuckled and landed on her head. [You sure? It might be handy if only you knew about me]. I smiled at them.

"No Derel is a friend of mine, he may be able to explain the magic bit." I nodded to him. "It's okay, I trust them. Besides, this means you can make more friends." Rula and Braga exchanged glances and shrugged at each other.

His head perked up at that. [Oh yeah, I didn't think of it that way! Okay!] he flew in front of us and floated there looking over himself. [Do I look okay?] at my nod he flapped happily. [Okay, here we go.] He started shimmering slightly.

"All right guys this is my friend Dereloth" I pointed ahead of us and everyone leaned in their seats staring at the small glow forming. After a second Dereloth spread his wings and appeared before them.

[Greetings, Murder Bitches! Let's be frie-] he was cut off by Rula throwing a small hammer at him. Mellie shoved off my lap and tried to sink a dagger in him while Braga kicked her horse and drew her sword.

They all yelled at once. "Dragon, Kill the dragon!"


	8. Chapter 8, Fighting with friends

It was a good thing we had left the town and were on an empty road, otherwise I think we would have caused a riot.

"No, wait, stop!" I yelled and jumped off my horse trying to pull them off of him their weapons rose and fell quickly trying to take his life. I paused for a second and then started chuckling. I crossed my arms and waited. Pretty soon they all stood wearily, panting heavily looking down at Dereloth who had curled up in a little ball and was trembling.

"Why?" Mellie gasped trying to catch her breath. "Why isn't it dead?" she tossed her dagger at him and it phased through him and fell to the ground.

I snorted and tried not to laugh. "Wow, some Murder Bitches. Can't even kill a helpless baby dragon." Derel's head popped out slowly and he looked over himself realizing he was unharmed.

[HAH! Some welcome!] He flies up and gets an inch from Rula's face spitting sparks. [Geez, first time in hundreds of years that I come out in public, and some crazy women decide to try and kill me!] He flies over and lands on my shoulder [And you! Lot of help you were, you just stood there and let them.] He turned to face me hissing angrily and spat a glob of light at my face.

Braga turned holding her sword pointing it in my general direction. "Mike, where did you get that…thing?" her sword hovered about an inch from my face and I pushed it away gently. "Dragons are dangerous, kill it before it grows!"

"That, thing is Dereloth." I looked over at him and smile. "Derel, for your information, is the reason I can do this." I lifted my hand and concentrated. _"Lux"_ and a small glowing orb appeared in my hand. "He's also the reason I'm such a badass with a sword and most importantly he is my friend." I made a fist and the light went out. "I don't appreciate how my other friends attempted to murder said friend, who I knew would be fine as he is a spirit." I looked pointedly at him at the last bit.

They all stared at me for a minute before looking away in shame and collecting their weapons. Rula was the first to speak up. "We're sorry lad, it's just….dragons aren't exactly known for being the nicest of creatures." She picked up her axe and mounted her horse with some difficulty. "Maybe where you're from they're different, but in our world dragons are dangerous and engines of destruction."

Braga pulled Mellie onto her saddle after casting dark looks at my shoulder. "Not to mention after the dragon war. The only time they come out of hiding is when someone is dumb enough to wake one up, or when they raid a town to feed. Dragons are pure evil."

I took in their stares and turned to Dereloth. "Dragon war? Something I should know about?"

He met my eyes and shrunk on my shoulder. [I didn't want to bring it up, it was a scary time. A long, long time ago, when the races first were born, we dragons watched over them and helped them survive. Teaching them what we could and helping them evolve. Eventually they started growing on their own and becoming civilized. We even showed them some magic and they started to prosper.] He flew off my shoulder and landed on my saddle horn. [Then some of the dragons started using them as slaves, making them dig up precious treasures, selling and trading them, and ordering sacrifices.]

Braga snarled. "Some? Legends say that they enslaved most of the world! Mostly my people, the goblins and such didn't do well either as they couldn't defend themselves. Eventually they just treated the dragons as their gods of terror."

Mellie finally piped in. "There are some stories too about how they treated the halflings and gnomes too, they say they bred us in great forests and hunted us for sport." She wrapped her arms around herself and shivered.

Derel nodded and continued. [Many dragons tried to stop it from happening, but a great war broke out on both sides. Somehow a war broke out between the two sides and it was agreed that if dragons fought the war the world would be destroyed. So the lesser races were sent against another, with the dragons overseeing. If a dragons army was defeated he had to surrender to the victor, most of them were tortured or executed horribly. Many evil ones treated it like a game and sent their slaves to attack without care. While the rest of the good dragons fought defensively, trying to protect the innocents.] He raised his head proudly. [Then we started making the Dragon knights. Some of the elders found a way to imbue dragon souls directly into weapons for the knights to use. We started to turn the tide, a few hundred knights were made and fought back defeating the armies. The evil dragons tried many dark magics and many lives were lost but we prevailed.]

Rula nodded along and finally chipped in. "Aye, so the legend goes. He left out the bit where the Dragon Knights got so full of themselves and their power that they tried to conquer everything. They were disbanded and they're magic swords destroyed. Eventually a truce was made and the dragons used magic to leave our world and swore never to return less the wars begin again and dragon lives be lost. Two of each species would stay behind and keep the peace." She crossed her arms and spat on the road. "That's where the dragons of our age come in, direct descendants of those left behind, like Braga said. They don't come out much. But when they do, its bad news fer everyone." She pointed her axe towards him. "That's why most people with brains in their heads kill em if they get the chance!"

I stared at her in shock for a second before my temper took over. "I can't believe you guys. He just said he was one of the good dragons who made the Dragon Knights, I vouched for him and you still don't trust him. Meaning you don't trust me. I don't need this, if you guys don't believe in me then I'm gone." I hopped up on my stallion and continued down the road.

[Michael, I can't believe you'd leave them like-] I silenced him with a wave of my hand. "First of all, never call me Michael. Big pet peeve. Second I'm pissed as hell and hate being called a liar. Third I hate being lied to, you should have told me about the Knights being disbanded. No more talking" His head slumped and he turned to watch the road ahead.

For a moment I didn't think they would follow me before I heard their horses' hoof beats behind me. A few minutes passed, and as I watched the setting sun, I heard them whispering to one another. I didn't look back until I felt a tug on my arm. I looked down and saw Mellie leaning out of her and Braga's saddle with small tears in her eyes. "We're sorry, we didn't mean it." She sniffed. "We were just a bit scared is all."

"Aye lad, and for good reason." She kicked up her horse beside me and looked at Derel. "Yer not from our lands, ye haven't seen the devastation caused by their kind. I won't apologize for distrusting him, I've seen first-hand what they can do." she reached over and punched my arm. "I am sorry fer upsetting ye. Sensitive aren't we?"

I lurched in my saddle as Braga smacked me across the back. "I'm sorry too, sorry for not believing you and sorry your panties are in a knot." She laughed loud and started smacking her thigh which made her horse nervous and start to buck. She quickly got it under control and caught up. "I'm surprised that set you off so easily to be honest."

"Yeah I thought you were supposed to be our big tough Dragon Knight." Mellie smiled as she hopped from Braga's lap to mine, with ease. "And we're sorry to you too Derel, we didn't mean to scare you. I think you scared us worse."

Dereloth turned and offered a weak smile before turning and looking ahead again. I sighed and turned to them. "Look it's just something personal with me. I used to get in trouble a lot when I was a kid for things I didn't do and developed a bad reputation." I shook my head and tried not to think about it. "Eventually it really started to get to me, up to a point where if someone called me a liar I would just instantly snap. It's not as bad now but if we're gonna be stuck with each other I figure you should know."

I smiled as they nodded understanding and turned to Dereloth. "And you, grumpy-scaly-face. I'm sorry I snapped." He turned and flicked his tongue at me, staring with his eyebrows furrowed. "It's not like we had a lot of time to talk about it, and as you said you weren't even part of it. I apologize, friends don't treat each other like that."

He flicked his tongue again before smiling broadly. [It's fine. Friends fight sometimes. It's my fault too, I didn't exactly want to let you know.] He shrugged. [Your friends are right. My brothers had a bad reputation, and I don't blame them for acting the way they did.]

"Hey that's not right." Mellie leaned forward in the saddle and got near his face. "You're our friend too now." She looked back at Braga and Rula. "Right girls?"

Braga shrugged and lifted her hands. "Well we've already got a mage from another world on our team. We might as well have a dragon too."

Rula shook her head laughing. "Well then, welcome to the newest member of the Murder Bitches!" she pumped her fist in the air. "Der-e-loth! Der-e-loth!" she continued to chant and Mellie Braga and I followed suite until he finally cheered up and flew zipping through the air shooting sparks.

"Hey that's not fair!" I yelled and crossed my arms grumpily. "I didn't get a welcome this big." Mellie turned around smiling mischievously.

"Oh you're right that's not fair at all." She grabbed both sides of my head and pulled herself up planting her lips against mine in a sloppy kiss. As I sat there dumbstruck she pulled away laughing as Braga and Rula hooted. "Welcome aboard hero."


	9. Chapter 9, Dinner and story time

"Man it's a good thing I'm not a picky eater." I grumbled to myself as I watched the three woman attempt to make dinner over a campfire. We had travelled a little past sundown and decided to set up camp across the bridge, in the woods, just off the road. We had a small fire going and Rula had pulled a large cooking pot out of her pack. When I asked her about it she simply said, "A woman has her ways."

I was busying myself sweeping the campsite with a large branch, clearing twigs, rocks, pinecones and such from the area we were setting up our bedrolls. Dereloth was sitting on an old log laughing and watching the show. Mellie had taken a bucket and made trips to the river and back to fill it. Braga had apparently wandered into the woods to find something to add to our dinner. Rula had supervised the fire and pulled out a small keg out of somewhere and was sipping at her beer happily. Then they started fighting over what was going to go in the pot.

"I'm telling you it tastes fine!" Braga was holding up a large lizard creature with a beaver like tail. "once you boil it enough it gets softer." She pulled another out from her belt and shook it in their faces. "Besides, the tail is good for you. It strengthens your jaw."

Rula shook her head and pushed it away. "Yeah because it takes a day just to get it soft enough so ye can swallow it. Get that nasty thing out of here." She pulled a small sack from her bag and unwrapped a variety of mixed mushrooms. "What's good for you are rock mushrooms. They're grown in the dwarven mines." She shook the bag smiling. "They'll put some hair on your chest."

Mellie gagged. "Ugh, I thought you ran out of those. No way I'm eating them, they taste like rocks and old feet." She walked over to the log and sat next to Dereloth. "Why can't you two ever bring normal food?"

Rula shoved the Lizard-beavers away from the pot. "Well what did you bring to the table, eh girly?" she shook her mushrooms in her direction. "Yer always complaining about the food, but whenever we go shoppin for provisions you never chip in." Braga nodded and moved to the side to start carving her catch.

I finished rolling out the bedrolls and sat with my back against a boulder. Dereloth flew over and landed next to me to enjoy the show.

"Well excuse me for not wanting to waste my hard earned coin." She crossed her arms and looked at them sullenly. "Besides, I'm the one who has to do all the hard work around here." She started scowling and gesturing with her hands, imitating their voices. "Mellie, the door is locked, can you pick it? Mellie check for traps, we're too big and clumsy. Mellie there might be guards ahead, go scout out the area while we sit on our asses." She smiled and stuck out her tongue.

Braga. "Hey you knew what you were in for when you signed on as our thief." She chopped off the tails and laid them next to the fire on a flat stone. "Besides I end up doing all the real work." Her voice peaked to a soprano level. "Oh Braga, I can't lift this trap door with my little halfling arms. Braga, I can't reach the top shelf give me a boost. Braga the skeletons are coming, take the lead."

Rula barked a laugh. "Oh don't even go there. Who has to bail you two out when you do something stupid?" She threw the mushrooms in the pot and started chopping up the lizard bits. "Rula I fell into the spikes, heal me. Rula, the plants that looked poisonous were actually poisonous, remove it. Hey Rula, you know how you said not to touch the cursed crystal? Umm yeah could you help?" She slid the meat in the pot and started throwing herbs from her pack in. "Not to mention the amount of times I've bailed you two out of trouble with the law. Wasn't for me being an Ollam you two would be locked up long ago."

I perked my head up at that. "Ollam, what's an Ollam?" I had moved my pack to my bedroll and was sorting and cleaning my gear. "It sounds familiar, like priest or something."

She looked over me in surprise. "Close actually. In the dwarven culture, an Ollam is generally considered someone wise, who can teach or pass knowledge to other members of the clan." She continued mixing things into the pot without looking up. "It's considered a great honour to be chosen as an Ollam, and they are given a special place in the temple hierarchy. Most of them teach in schools for the dwarven young to come and attend until they are ready to learn a trade."

I nodded along and was about to speak when Dereloth interrupted. [Wait, you mean to say you're a schoolteacher?!] he started laughing and I couldn't help the smile that crept up on my face. [Badass, Rula, a school teacher! Explains why she's the mommy of the group.] he rolled onto his back still laughing and I looked over at Braga and Mellie and noticed they were silent and trying to look busy.

"Oh ye two are right to laugh, it is a tad funny. A schoolteacher, leavin her students and people to go out and become an adventurer. Bet it would be a fine joke to tell folks over a pint of ale." Her grip on the ladle tightened and she started stirring faster spilling stew from the pot.

I straightened. "Derel, hush." He looked at me and I motioned to Rula and he stopped laughing. "we meant no disrespect Rula." She looked over with a hard stare and I smiled sheepishly. "It's just a little hard to believe. I'd like to hear the story behind it if you don't mind."

[Me too Rula!] Dereloth flew over and landed on the rim of the pot looking in. [I don't get to have dinner with you guys, but I think a story would make the night go by easier.]

Rula looked around at us all and sighed. "Well all right kiddies, gather around. I'll tell ye me tale of how I brought pride and honour to my family." She splashed the ladle down "and how it brought ruin to our name."


	10. Chapter 10, Rula's story

"I was born Rula SilverHammer, only child to Hestoff SilverHammer, ShieldBrother to King Halmar Ironhands. My father was a famous warrior, the pride of our people. For years he led the king's armies to victory and defended our borders. When he retired he married my mother, and became advisor to the king. After a few years of retirement, he found out my mother was with child. For 9 months he thought about raising his son to take up his name. When I was born he was disappointed and left me to be raised by my mother. "

"My mother chastised him for his ways and raised me around the house she taught me to cook and read and gave me a list of chores to do. I worked hard every day keeping the house clean and making good food for my father in an attempt to make him smile or acknowledge me. He never smiled around me. Things got worse when my mother died. After the funeral, he was never the same. He barely spoke and never smiled. He attempted to give me away to my mother's brother, a priest of Uthar, the Dwaven God. I grew close to my uncle but I worried about my father every night. After a week I couldn't stand it and went home. I told my father I would not leave him alone because he was my father and even if he didn't love me that I loved him. I stayed close with my uncle and he and his family came over every week to keep me and my father company."

"One day at our weekly dinner, my uncle was showing my father some books he had bought from an elven trader. Unfortunately they were in elvish and he had to hire a translator. I looked over his shoulder and started reading them. When he asked where I had learnt elvish, I showed him one of mother's cookbooks she had collected. He was surprised and we worked for hours translating it. I showed him what languages I knew and my skills with numbers. When we were finished my Uncle asked my father if I could be enrolled into the school there as I showed potential. My father shrugged and agreed, he even smiled a little and said he was proud."

"I started the next day and after cleaning up breakfast my father wished me luck. My Uncle gave me the tour and put me in with the children my age. He was called an hour later and it was decided I should study with the older children in the harder classes. When I told my father he smiled and said I was just like my mother, nose always in a book. Over dinner we often talked about what I had learned that day, and it became a ritual for us. My father began smiling again and he would even tutor me in tactics, politics, and telling me tales of battles he had been in and adventures he had been on."

"By the time I was 20 I was the head of my class and I was growing restless. Fueled by my father's stories of battle and glory I asked him if he would tutor me in weapons. He immediately denied me saying that battle was not for women and sent me back to school. For days I ignored him and didn't speak, one day at school I got into a brawl with some of the older boys in the class who wouldn't keep their hands to themselves and was thrown into prison. When my father bailed me out he laughed and said he may as well teach me as I had a fighter in me after all.

"I spent my days at school, and helping in the temple and my evenings with my father teaching me how to defend myself. I trained with the axe, hammer, sword, and bow. He taught me how to move in armor, and keep from dropping my shield. I learned how to maintain my equipment and do repairs on the go. We often went on camping trips where he taught me how to survive in the wild if need be. A few times he would take me to the tavern to meet his old war buddies and he would let me listen to their stories and the occasional dirty song. Those days were the best of my life."

"Then the day came where I graduated from the school, I thought it was going to just be an average ceremony. When the High Priest came out and approached me I was shocked. He said I had been chosen as an Ollam and would take my place as Instructor at the school and be a part of the temple. I was shocked and my father and uncle congratulated. I was honored and accepted. There was a grand ceremony and a large feast as an Ollam had not been chosen in many years. My father gave a speech with tears in his eyes and hugged me and kissed my brow. It was the proudest moment in my life."

"The troubles started when they said I would have to move into the temple. I politely declined saying I would stay in my home with my father. They insisted and my father assured me he would be fine. I spent my first few months enjoying my classes and receiving praise from my students as I was different than the uptight priests they were used to. I swore and told some of my father's friends' old war stories and sang a few of the less colorful songs I knew. I loved my students and they loved me in return. I still spent every night with my father for dinner telling him now of my students and him always laughing but cautioning me that the temple wouldn't look kindly on such behavior. The next few years went by without incident. "

"Then the day came where I got tired of one of the troublemakers in my class and told him to get out. When he refused I was forced to get physical and tossed him from the temple. His family made trouble and started slandering my name. Eventually the high priest came to my class and pulled me aside. He said if I didn't publicly apologize to the family I would be punished. I stormed off and went to my father and he chided me and told me to just get it over with. I argued with him and ended up storming off angrily."

"The day came where I had to issue a public apology for losing my temper and my unorthodox teaching message. I did so, in my own way. I apologized that my teaching would not work on such ignorant, stuck up, fool headed morons. I continued for five minutes insulting him and debasing his family before informing them I was done teaching. I left with shocked and angry faces from my fellow teachers and applause from my students. I marched directly to the Commander's quarters in the army recruitment office and asked to be allowed to sign up. He laughed at first but when I told him who my father was he shut up and said he would return I a moment. He returned a moment later with my father and the high priest in tow. My father begged me to apologize saying that if I did they would allow me to continue my service at the temple but never teach. I told him and the high priest to shove it up their asses and that I was signing up for the army and there was nothing they could do about it. The high priest pulled out his symbol of office and told me I was banished from the city. I could never return and had till sundown to collect my belongings."

"I was in shock, I punched him across the room and ran home tears in my eyes as I collected my things and made preparations that took most of the day. I stopped by my father's house and found it empty. There was a knock on the door and I opened it to a temple initiate, he informed me that my father had suffered a heart attack after I had struck the high priest. I demanded to be showed to him but he informed me I was to leave the city. I swore and slammed the door on his face. I spent some time wandering the house before coming across my father's old armor. Steeling myself I spent some time adjusting it before putting it on and answering the door to a group of surprised guards who were to escort me out of the city. I spat at them and marched out of the city without looking back."


	11. Chapter 11, Once upon a time

Rula brushed her eyes with the back of her hand and looked up at us as we slurped on our stew. "I've never returned home. I've been keeping an ear out on anyone passing through to pick up any news from home, but nothing seems to have changed." She took another mouthful of stew and chewed. "A few years later I Found Mellie here and we teamed up."

I nodded and looked at her. "Well that was definitely worth the wait. For what it's worth, I'm sorry." I took another ladle of stew and sat back against the boulder wiggling to get comfortable. "I don't know if I would have had the balls to do that. I think you did the right thing though. Although I'm surprised he didn't take your healing powers away not to mention banishment seems a bit harsh for a teacher."

She blinked back tears. "I wonder if my father thinks the same." She cleared her throat and took a sip of ale. "Well I embarrassed a noble family not to mention the high priest, and my healing comes from Uthar. Apparently he still thinks I'm worth a damn."

"Well if he's the one keeping you full of healing goodness, I imagine he has a good judge of character." I paused and narrowed my eyes. "I also noticed you're accent slips, what's the deal with that?"

Rula looked up wide eyed and then laughed long and hard. "Noticed that did ye?" She wiped the ale from her lips and spread her hands. "It's a bad habit I picked up, I don't know why. People just expect dwarves to sound a certain way and I just love the stereotype." I smiled and shook my head.

[Well, why don't we hear what happened next?] Derel turned to Mellie who was trying to choke down the stew. [She said she met up with you right? Well let's hear your story.]

Mellie chewed slowly for a second before swallowing and answering me without looking. "You sure you wanna hear it, it's not as interesting as being a general's daughter or a priest." She stared at me sadly. "You might hear something you don't want to hear."

"Uhh." I paused thinking of the right words to say. "Listen Mel, if you'd rather not say you don't have to. I just want to get to know you guys better." She offered a weak smile and I continued. "Besides, we're a team, knowing about each other will only help improve our teamwork."

Braga burped loudly, spoiling the moment a bit. "Sorry, it makes sense. Many warriors of my tribe share war stories and believe that it passes knowledge and strength from one warrior to another." She prodded Mellie with her elbow. "Go on Mel, besides I wanna go next."

Mellie chuckled quietly to herself. "Okay if you insist. But don't say I didn't warn you." She jumped up and climbed to the top of my boulder and held a dramatic pose for a moment before continuing in a deeper voice. "Once upon a time, a long, long time ago…"

"It can't have been that long ago, you're only 21." Mellie snapped her head towards Braga and glared silencing her, who chuckled and waved her to continue.

"As I was saying. Once upon, in a land far, far away…" She started again.

"It weren't even that far. Maybe a mile or two west of here." Mellie blinked slowly and turned toward Rula who was smiling behind her mug trying not to laugh.

"AS I WAS SAYING!" she cleared her throat and resumed her pose. "Once upon a time, not that long ago, in a land not so far away, there was a young couple. A locksmith and a carpenter, who fell in love…"


	12. Chapter 12, Mellie's story

"They had known each other since they were children, and their families had been close. There was no surprise between the two families that when the carpenter girl reached womanhood and was due to be matched that the locksmith was the first candidate chosen. The date was set quickly and they celebrated their marriage on the first of spring. The two families came together and built a small but comfortable home for them and joined their two properties. The village was small and hidden in the woods, and was secluded from other races and strangers."

"The couple lived happily and combined their skills. It took time but eventually they began designing custom built doors, cabinets, crates and chests. After displaying them in the family homes they began gaining popularity and soon the entire village was sporting beautiful entryways and all the goods shipped out of the city were secure in sturdy but elegant containers. Business began booming and soon the couple saved enough that they went for a vacation to go camping up in the mountains. They came back a few days later and 9 months after a beautiful baby girl was born. Her name was Amelia. "

"It was a bit out of the ordinary, but instead of letting the older cousins babysit Amelia, her parents would take turns during the day to play and take care of her at home and in the shop. When she was old enough they gave her some toy tools and pieces to build with to keep her busy. When she built a fully functional chest at the age of five they were impressed. Soon she showed skill with locks as well. For fun her dad would build little chests and fill them with toys or sweets and let her practice on them. "

"Through her teen years she grew wild and restless and soon left playing with her toys to hanging out with her older distant cousin and his so called gang. They had been the cause for all sorts of trouble but the village passed it off as childish pranks. When Amelia joined their harmless pranks turned into crimes as she was picking locks into people's homes or opening the tavern owner's wine cupboard. One day after sneaking in and getting too drunk her cousin sent most of the gang home and when they were alone and he tried to kiss her. When she struggled and fought back he hit her until she stopped and had his way with her until he passed out drunk."

"The next morning the tavern owner slapped her roughly awake and beat her for a few minutes before dragging her to her parents' house and yelling at them for not controlling their child. They were forced to apologize and they sent her to her room. She waited a few hours scared and alone before they came in and held her and told her everything was all right. Her mother took her to get her cleaned up and her father fixed her room and made her comfort food. They gave her some tea that made her sick and then she slept for the rest of the day."

"When she awoke the next day and went down for breakfast, they were sitting at the table waiting for her with her cousin's father who was the current head of the family. She sat down and ate in silence before they started talking. Her uncle mentioned her age and how it was unusual to be unwed at her age. He said her cousin was a nice boy, and maybe they had a bit too much to drink, and that even though he was related, they were far enough it wouldn't be a scandal. She sat there shocked before yelling and begging her parents to reconsider, he had taken her against her will and she would absolutely not be married to him. Her parents agreed with her and said they would defend their daughter even if it meant ruining the family name. They argued for a few more minutes before her uncle slammed his fists on the table and stormed out. They held each other and continued their work for the day."

"She woke up in the middle of the night coughing and choking and opened her eyes to the sight of smoke coming from under her door. She dumped a pitcher of water over her blanket and wrapped herself in it before opening the door and witnessing the house in flames. She heard her parents banging on their door and she tried to open it but found it blocked and damaged. They yelled at her to get out of the house and she refused saying she wouldn't leave without them. She tried for several minutes to break down the door with no success and when she stopped hearing their voices she ran out of the house. Before she blacked out she thought she saw her cousin snarling and running down the street."

"She awoke in the jail the next day and was informed that due to her criminal history she was the main suspect for the murder of her parents and the destruction of her home. She asked to see her family but was informed that her uncle forbade anyone from coming to see her. She sat in silence until the sheriff left before making quick work of the locks holding her and snatching a large crossbow, and some loose fitting armor from the closet."

" She made her way to her uncle's house and confronted him about the fire and her being accused instead of her cousin. He acted surprised and called in his son to question him about it. His son smirked and admitted that he was responsible but had a partner. She pointed her crossbow at his neck struggling to support its weight and demanded to know who his partner was. Her cousin smirked and pointed at her uncle who shrugged and said it was for the good of the family. She cried and turned, shooting him through the chest and pinning him to the wall before her cousin grabber her and pinned her down. She fought back remembering what he had done to her and kicked him hard in the groin and shoved him off of her. As he lay there gasping in pain she picked up the crossbow and lifted over her head and brought it down hard on his head. She kept going until he stopped whimpering and the blood stained her and the room around her. She grabbed what she could and made her way out of the village with tears in her eyes vowing never to return."


	13. Chapter 13, Making peace

"Now she continues her travels, remembering her parents and trying to forget her past." She took a deep breath and sat down on her bed, holding her knees to her chin, staring into the fire. "And she waits for a happy ending to her story."

There was an uncomfortable silence before I looked up to see Derel looking at me and gesturing with his chin to go over. I nodded at him and coughed to clear the silence. Rula caught my eye and pulled Rula by the arm. "Let's do a quick scout around. Make sure the area's safe." Braga was about to protest when I gave her a hard look and she nodded in return and they moved off.

"Hey Derel, why don't you check out these trees, see if there's any animal nests or something." He gave me a sarcastic smirk and took off flying higher. I took a moment to collect my thoughts and moved near Mellie to poke at the fire. "So, you wanna talk about it?"

"I think I've talked enough for one night." She pulled her knees closer. "I'd rather just forget all the shitty things I've done. It's all my fault and I've accepted that."

I shook my head before turning to her. "You know what? That's the dumbest fucking thing I've ever heard." Her head snapped up and she unfolded her legs and stood walking angrily towards me.

"What do you know about it?! You weren't there!" her voice raised higher in anger and her eyes started watering. "You don't know what it's like! My parents are dead because of all the shit I did and it's all my fault." She shoved me and I stumbled onto one knee. "So just shut your goddamn mouth!"

I narrowed my eyes and reached out to grab her. She backed up and smacked my hand drawing her dagger. "Don't fucking touch me!" I stood up quickly grabbing her roughly by the wrist and shaking her trying to make her drop the knife. She screamed and kicked at me. "What the hell's wrong with you?! Get off of me!"

I managed to absorb her blows on my legs and finally shook the knife from her hands. She started screaming more frantically. "Mike! What the fuck! Rula! Braga! Help!" As she struggled, I finally managed to get her hands pinned and wrapped my arms around her tightly. She kept trying to kick but I just knelt and tightened my grip.

"Mellie, it's okay." I whispered softly and felt her heart pounding against my chest as she continued to panic. "I'm not trying to hurt you. It wasn't your fault." I felt her scream and swear muffled against my chest and repeated myself. "It wasn't your fault. Let it go." Slowly her kicking stopped and I felt her start to relax, then she suddenly collapsed and I felt her weeping loudly against me. I lessened my grip and her hands balled into fists grabbing at my clothes. I continued to hold her as she finally let out tears that were long overdue.

After a few minutes of sobbing and sniffling she finally spoke. "You can let go now." I slowly unwrapped my arms and looked down at her tear stained, nose dripping face. She sniffed and wiper her nose. "Thanks….I never knew how much I needed that." She looked up to me and offered a small smile. "Sorry you're partners with such a fucked up kid."

I laughed. "I wouldn't worry about it. Just makes you sound more badass." I gave her a sarcastic grin and she rolled her eyes and punched my chest. "Feeling better?" I asked shaking her shoulder gently.

"Jackass" She smiled sadly and took a deep breath. "I just think about it sometimes. How things could have gone different, y'know?" she bit her lip and looked down. "My parents would still be.." she closed her eyes and started tearing again.

I sat down next to her, pulled her against my side and sighed. "Look, I can't say I know what you're feeling cuz I don't. But I can tell you right now that in your position, I would have done the same thing." She sniffed and leaned against me. "Not to mention, I'm sure you're parents know you did everything possible to save them. You weren't strong enough before, but you've grown a lot since then. I'm sure they're proud of their badass daughter."

She laughed a little. "Yeah I bet you're right. I am pretty great!" we both stood up and smiled at each other. "Thanks mike." I started to reply when I felt her foot connect with my groin and bent over in pain. She bent closer and poked her dagger in my nose. "But if you ever scare me like that again this little badass will take you down. Understood?"

I nodded and wheezed for breath, at the same time Braga and Rula came out of the bushed from behind her. They were making faces, trying not to laugh. Rula broke first as she approached. "Oh Mike! I had such a dreadful childhood! Please hold me!" She wrapped her arms around my waist and lifted me. "Oh everything is instantly so much better."

I was about to retort when I felt my face smashed against Braga's chest. "Oh mike! My stomach hurts from the bad food and all the riding today. Please embrace me and solve all my problems!" They both held me and I could hear all three of them mocking me, laughing hard as I struggled to get free. I suddenly heard a much more obnoxious presence in my mind.

[Mike, you great manly dragon-knight. I've been alone for so long, not knowing the touch of another. Take me now!] Suddenly a small dragon was flapping his genitals in my face, laughing like a child. Mellie fell back on the ground holding her stomach laughing.

I rubbed my face and tried to compose myself, hiding my face as I was blushing like an idiot. "You guys suck you know that?" I trudged over to my bedroll and stuck my legs in, sitting up. "See if I ever help you guys again." I gestured to Braga. "Okay missy, story time."

Braga wiped the tears from her eyes still chuckling. "Ahh, all right if you insist." Mellie and Rula settled themselves in their bedrolls as well. "My story is one of danger, excitement and tragedy."


	14. Chapter 14, Braga's story

"There once was an orc in a bucket…no wait that's not right."

"So, it started off in a bar. All good stories do. Anyways, so there's this group of orcs comin a bit up north, from the wild lands, to a human town to do some trading. Furs and hides and stuff you know? So they do all their trading and they've made a bit of extra coin so they decide to go drinking. They make their way over to one of the cheaper bars, they all sit at one big table and the waitress comes over with a couple mugs o beer, sets em down and winks at them, wigglin as she heads back."

"Now these guys have been out in the plains and deserts hunting all sorts of monsters and haven't had a woman in weeks, so as the booze starts flowin, this waitress starts flirtin more and more, and lookin better and better. Finally they decide as a group to see who's gonna take her to bed. So they start arm wrestling, and seein who can drink the most, and the whole time she's comin back and forth bringin more booze and cheering them on. Now all this noise is scaring off the other customers and they leave and the owner of the place says he wants to close up. So the orcs filled with booze start to argue, sayin that they ain't done. Over comes the girl sayin they can settle up and come back to her place."

"So they pay their bill and they start walkin back with her and she's flirting with all of them rubbin their muscles, rubbin against them all suggestively. They make it back to her place and she brings out more booze and the contests start again. So eventually they get to just stripping down, wrestling and she's hootin and hollering, cheering them all on. Then she takes her clothes off and gets in the ring grabbing the biggest one and hoppin on him and starts bangin him infront of his friends. For a few seconds they all don't know what to do and she pulls another one close and kisses him and they all start takin turns, or goin two or three at a time, all through the night havin a great old time."

"So the next morning they all wake up and look around seein her passed out in the middle of them. So they start talkin about this crazy bitch and they pack up quietly leave her a bag of coin for the good time and sneak off back home, across the plains. Now a few seasons pass and they come back wagons full to bursting with goods and they finish they're trading and start talkin about good old times with that crazy chick, when out comes the woman caryin this big thing on one hip and hands it to the leader sayin it's his problem now. So they all peer in close as he opens it and it's this lil green baby with big teeth."

"Now the first thing in their minds is 'oh fuck, who's is this?' but they decide to take it home and they'll all take turns lookin after it. So they stick her in a pile of furs and give her a skin of yak milk to shut her up and head back home. They agree to each watch her for a year at a time till she's old enough. For 17 years they each take turns teachin her how to fight, how to hunt, this n that. She's a bit different than the other kid, being only half their size and so ugly, but she manages to beat the shit outta anyone who messes with her and she's got a fuckload of dads to watch her back. She makes a name for herself and eventually everyone likes her and them boys she beat up start lookin awful friendly."

"Now one day she's headin out with some humans on a routine tradin run when a bunch of giants come outta nowhere and start hittin the wagons. She fights back hard but eventually they get too many and she gets caught and taken back to their camp. So theyre all hidden in a big ass cave and there's this big orc sittin on top of a chair made of wagon bits and weapons and such sayin that she's one of his slaves now. So she gets dragged and tossed in a hole with some big dwarf woman and this lil redhead runt and they all start talkin and make a plan to escape."

"So later when the guard brings her dinner over, they say they've got a present for the boss and they flash some skin and he opens up the door and lets em out. So they make their way to him and start getting all nice and cozy around him and then, pow! She punches him in the face and knocks his big ass out. They all grab weapons from his chair and start choppin their way through all them bastards and finally make their way out. She looks to em and says they make a pretty good team and they beg ad plead with her to come with them, on account of she's so friggin strong and they're so short and such. After days of begging she finally gives up and says yes. They hang out for a little while before they make a decision that changed the world"

One of em said, 'Let's call ourselves the Murder Bitches' and so they did. And they went aroun't fighting monsters, and killing bandits, and savin towns and shit. The End"


	15. Chapter 15, What are friends for?

[Wait a second!] Derel raised his voice in confusion as she finished. [Where's the tragedy? I thought it was gonna have a sad ending.]

Braga grinned. "Why? Because of these two?" she pointed at Mellie and Tula who rolled their eyes and shook their heads. "Just cause they had a crappy childhood doesn't mean we all do. I had a great life, my dads were awesome."

I stared in shock for a moment before laughing. "Wow that was actually an awesome story. So you're dads just went and had an orgy and you're cool with it?"

She shrugged "not my way of doing it, but hey they had a good time." She spread her hands. "besides, it's a great conversation starter. 'Hi, my name is Braga. My mom was a slut who had an orgy with 17 orcs.' It turns a lot of heads."

"Yeah it turns my stomach too." Mellie said from her bag as she crawled in, pulling the top over her head. "Just what I need going through my head when I'm trying to sleep. Just for that you get first watch."

"Ugh, once you get past that first bit its fine." She propped her backpack under her head and settled down. "I prefer the part where ye punch the orc right in the face. Best part, night kiddies."

I threw some dirt onto the fire to kill the light and laid back. "Derel, you don't sleep right? Wanna keep Braga company for the first watch?" I rolled to my side and heard him reply.

[Yeah sure, I want to hear more stories.] I heard him flap his way toward Braga who was moving through the camp to find a good spot to watch. I saw her kneel by Mellie.

"Mellie, I have something important to tell you." The halfling popped her head out for a second and glared. "Seventeen throbbing orc dicks!" She stood laughing and walked away.

"Godammit Braga!" She pulled herself back under and we heard her muffled voice. "Not cool." Braga chuckled and moved out of the camp and I heard her and Derel talking from a distance before I drifted off to sleep.

I don't remember dreaming, I remember tossing and turning every few hours until Rula shook me awake. "Your turn, prince charming." I blinked a few times and muttered some sort of affirmation and she stomped off to her bed. I stood and stretched down grabbing my sword. I slowly made my way to where I had seen Braga watching. "Hey Derel, how's it going?" He flew down from a tree branch and landed beside me as I leaned back against the tree.

[Boring mostly. I got to talk to Braga and Rula though. Braga told me fun stories and Rula asked a lot about the dragon wars. We swapped notes, so to speak.] He noticed me yawning and rubbing my eyes. [How did you sleep?]

"On a bedroll." He gave me a confused look for a moment before switching to irritated. I smirked and answered. "Shut up, I'm funny. I slept okay, no dreams. Feels like I was out for a few minutes. Feel like I'm going to fall asleep on my feet." I yawned again and started moving my arms to stay awake.

[Well we can't have that. How about some practice?] Derel flew off the branch and floated in front of me. [It'll keep you awake and you need the practice.]

I moaned. "Dude it's like 2 in the morning, I'm in no mood for exercise." I swung my sword in a few quick spins before resting it on my shoulder. "Besides, I don't need practice, as long as I've got you I'm awesome."

He flew in my face and flapped angrily. [Oh yeah? Well what if I'm not around? Let's see what you can do without my help.] There was a soft glow from the sword and suddenly it weighed about a hundred pounds. Dereloth flashed and in his place stood a mirror reflection of me but with glowing yellow eyes, its sword matched mine and it took a defensive stance. Dereloth's amused voice came from its mouth. [All right, sir knight, let's see what you can do.]

"What the heck is this?" I lifted the sword but struggled to keep it steady as I pointed it towards him. "What did you do to my sword?" I gestured with my chin at him. "And what's with the copycat?"

I watched myself smirk and reply. [I just removed all the magical effects from the sword, weight, balance, et cetera.] He gestured to himself and did a bow with a flourish. [As for this, this is just one of the spells we were taught before being put in the swords. It's supposed to help knights in training hone their swordsmanship skills without the use of magic.] He dropped back into a two handed combat stance with the sword held diagonally across him and crouched ready. [Now, are you ready to learn?]

"Well not reall-." I flinched back as his sword connected with mine and knocked me back a few feet. I managed to keep my footing and he came in low on my left. "Derel, what the hell?!" I managed to turn my body and deflect it with my blade but it glanced off and the flat of his blade struck me in the nose. I fell back holding my nose and pulled away seeing my blood smearing my hands. "What the fuck was that for?"

[What are you going to do when an opponent attacks you? Limply hold your blade and complain when he breaks your nose?] My own face sneered down at me. [Get on your feet, we'll try again.] I mumbled as I climbed back to my feet and felt a sharp impact on the right side of my head. I went flying and tumbled a little before looking back at him. [Your opponent isn't going to let you get back on your feet. I would suggest moving a bit faster.] He charged forward again.

I managed to roll out of the way as his sword stabbed down where I just was. Still dizzy, I brought my feet up and launched myself standing again. I swung down with my sword and he slapped it aside and swiped it at my ribs. I winced and gripped my sword with two hands before charging with my shoulder and catching him in the stomach. His feet left the ground and I roared and tossed him back a few feet charging in with my sword wildly. He landed on his back and managed to block my first few blows before I started throwing my body weight behind them. As he started to falter his foot came up quickly and caught me in the groin.

"Sonofa-!" I gasped for air and hunched forward barely defending myself as he stood and starting swinging again. He started laughing as he came in and I had to back away, quickly losing ground. I snarled and started pushing back trying to keep my footing and he laughed even harder as I pressed forward.

[Is this honestly the best you can do? You're strong I'll give you that, but slow and clumsy!] His sword suddenly parried my blows and sunk deeply into my thigh. As I shouted in pain and clutched my leg his face changed into that of the elf from before and he backhanded me. [Honestly, you're so weak it's pathetic, I mean just look at you. Just an angry little boy, who can't even take care of himself.] he knelt over me as I held my leg in pain. [And you want to be a hero? Something definitely went wrong with that spell. You're worthless.]

I remember shouting some sort of derogatory before swinging my right hand and upper cutting him and catching him right underneath the jaw. As he bounced back I grabbed my sword with both hands and swung down like a lumberjack splitting a log, and hacked through his collarbone impaling my sword there. I let it go and threw hard, quick hooks into his stomach and then jumping on him and punching his face in repeatedly. "Who's worthless now motherfucker?! Huh? Wanna keep making fun of me bitch?!" I spat blood in his face and wrapped my hands around his throat and pushing down with all my weight. "I may be a pissed off little kid, but it's enough to beat your scrawny ass!"

I watched as his eyes bulged and he clawed at my hands trying to get some air. I snarled at him wordlessly and kept squeezing until he stopped moving and went limp. I panted for air for a few seconds before letting go. "Derel, Derel? Shit Derel wake up!" I started shaking him and I placed my head against his chest listening for a heartbeat or signs of breathing. "Shit, Derel come on man!" I placed my hands on his chest and pushed down trying to pump life back into him when he shattered into tiny fragments of light.

[Well, know we know you can handle a one on one at least.] I looked over and saw Derel sitting on the hilt of my sword in the grass a few feet away. [Just have to make sure when you fight more than one, that they call you names and come at you one at a time, so you can strangle them.] He smirked at me as I crawled over.

"What the heck just happened?" I gestured from him to where the body had been moments ago. "I thought I, I thought you." I looked back and forth as he shook his head chuckling.

[What, you think we made a spell to train you and get ourselves killed in the process? It was all in your head.] He gestured and suddenly I wasn't sore and there was no blood on me. [Well more specifically, I was in your head making you see and feel everything.] He cocked his head and stared at me. [You kind of suck with a sword, hell of a good punch though. Strong hands, I think we can make something work there.]

I felt myself checking my other injuries and finding none fell back on the grass. "Wow that just….it felt so real." I wiped at my eyes that were tearing up. "I've never killed anyone before. I imagine it doesn't get easier."

I heard him sigh. [No, if it gets easier than there's something wrong. Life is a gift, and fighting for your life is scary. I've been in your head and I know how precious you hold life. But when you're fighting you have to keep that in mind. All life is sacred, and if someone's trying to take life away from you, or anyone else, you need to be able to protect it.] I looked over and saw the sword light up again. [Do you think you can do that? Protect the sacred gift of life?]

I took a deep breath and stared at the stars. "I certainly hope so, but I'm not gonna be able to do it alone." I pushed myself and picked up the sword from the ground. "That's why I'm glad I've got such a good friend who understands me and can teach me how."

I saw his eyes twinkle as he disappeared and my reflection appeared before me again smiling warmly. [Hey, I'm just here because you kidnapped me remember?] He took his stance and I shifted to copy him. I heard him chuckle as he smirked. [I'll teach you what you need to know. What are friends for after all? Now fix your footing, and shift your grip….]


End file.
